Melania, Epstein, and Trump, Oh My.

Fawning propaganda, cover-ups, and a crisis of justice.

Since the world is too much with us on this Saturday morning, I thought we should start with the reviews of the new “Melania” movie and end with dogs.

In between, we’ll dumpster-dive into the latest Epstein files, the arrest of Don Lemon, and the DOJ kabuki dance on the ICE killings in Minneapolis.

Happy Saturday.

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The Melania Bomb

It is, in fact, a notable achievement. True awfulness — and a 6% Rotten Tomatoes Score — does not happen by accident. There are many chefs responsible for this stew of awfulness, from the pathetically venal Jeff Bezos, to the fumbly film director, to the charmless First Lady herself.

But please don’t take my word for it.

Here’s The Independent’s unvarnished (and thoroughly delicious) take:

To call Melania vapid would do a disservice to the plumes of florid vape smoke that linger around British teenagers.

She calls herself a “mother, wife, daughter, friend”, yet is only depicted preening and scowling. Figures like Brigitte Macron and Queen Rania of Jordan appear to bolster Melania’s geopolitical credentials, yet time and again she returns to banal aphorisms. “Cherish your family and loved ones,” she implores audiences, who were, up until then, neglecting their family and despising their loved ones. Trump himself is an instantly more charismatic presence on screen. His scenes offer a relief from Melania’s mask of pure nothingness.

Hitting cinemas as the streets of America remain filled with the angry and grieving – with the country on the verge of an irreparable schism – the vulgar, gilded lifestyle of the Trumps makes them look like Marie Antoinette skulking in her cake-filled chateau, or Hermann Göring’s staring up at his looted Monet.

The Independent was not an outlier:

• Variety called the docu-bribe “A Cheeseball Infomercial of Staggering Inertia.”

• TheWrap: “A Tedious, Criminally Shallow Propaganda Puff Piece.”

• Kevin Fallon with “The Daily Review“ described "Melania” as “a level of insipid propaganda that almost resists review; it's so expected and utterly pointless.”

• The Irish Times:

  If one was being less compliant one would describe Ratner’s project as shameless propaganda. But not active, forceful propaganda in the school of Leni Riefenstahl’s films about the Nazis. “Melania: The Movie” appears keener on inducing narcolepsy in its viewers than energising them into massed marching. Triumph of the Dull, perhaps.

• The Atlantic: “The Melania Trump Documentary Is a Disgrace.”

  Melania Trump really doesn’t seem to care about the optics of launching her $75 million show reel while the country is in such profound crisis—that much she has always made clear. But most Americans do. And the particular details of the past week—the demonstrations and the tear gas in Minneapolis, the Melania ads covering the Sphere, the themed macarons at the White House, the scurrying-away of many who were professionally involved with this documentary—should be remembered long after the film itself is forgotten.

I believe you get the idea.

**

BONUS: Jimmy Kimmel and I had some thoughts:

Look who’s in the Epstein files

In fairness we ought to note that: (1) we have only seen about 50% of the files, (2) much of the material is based on unconfirmed reports, (3) the DOJ is running interference for Trump, removing some of the most salacious and shocking allegations shortly after the release, and (4) even if the most ghastly accusations are verified, it’s not clear whether that would move Trump’s MAGA base, at all.

But damn. Here’s small sample of what’s out there now:

Trump Accused of Forcing Underage Girl To Perform Oral Sex...

“[Redacted] reported an unidentified female friend who was forced to perform oral sex on President Trump approximately 35 years ago in NJ. The friend told Alexis that she was approximately 13-14 years old when this occurred, and the friend allegedly bit President Trump while performing oral sex. The friend was allegedly hit in the face after she laughed about biting President Trump. The friend said she was also abused by Epstein,” the complaint reads.

**

Via Newsweek:

Another complaint, which did not include contact information for the accuser, alleges that so-called “calendar girls” parties at Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort involved the sexual exploitation of children. According to the complaint, Epstein brought children to the gatherings and Trump allegedly auctioned them off, with the children subjected to sexually explicit examinations and ratings. The allegations have not been substantiated.

Jake Tapper (and others) managed to take screenshots of some of the allegations about Trump before the DOJ (temporarily?) took them down Friday afternoon.

And this…

And this…

Exit take: Even though many of the allegations are clearly unverified, Donald Trump very very much did not want these files released to the public. We’re getting a glimpse of why that might be.

BONUS: Wouldn’t the “Melania” doc have been a lot more interesting if it had included the First Couple’s conversations about… Epstein?

The Lemon Arrest

Shocking, but not surprising, considering Trump’s repeated threats to use the cudgel of government power to punish his critics in the media.

As Mediaite’s Colby Hall writes: “The Arrest of Don Lemon Is Not About Don Lemon.”

It is about whether the federal government can criminalize proximity to protest and describe it as law enforcement. It is about whether observation can be reclassified as participation after the fact. It is about how easily a workable First Amendment boundary can be blurred once prosecutors decide a journalist was too close, too embedded, or too visible.

And Matt Labash goes right to the heart of the matter:

You don’t have to like Don Lemon. I’ve always had mixed feelings. But if you find yourself defending this thuggish regime’s arrest of Don Lemon for the crime of being a journalist, there’s no longer any need to defend yourself. Because congratulations, you’re pro-authoritarian. Full stop. The sooner you admit it, the sooner you can start loathing yourself for it.

Today’s Podcast

We recorded this shortly before the Trump DOJ announced that it would conduct a civil rights investigation into the killing of Alex Pretti. But, so far, not the murder of Renee Good.

Subscribers can listen to an ad-free version right here… or you can watch on YouTube / Listen (and subscribe) on Apple/ Spotify / iHeart / RSS Feed

Saturday dogs

Auggie and Eli wait patiently for treats.