Trump-Musk: An Orgy of Karma

Scorpions, snakes, and flying monkeys. Oh my.

O, for a Mencken, a Twain, an Orwell, or a Hunter Thompson to be with us at this hour to describe the scene unfolding before us. The political punditry of our time is simply not up for this. Words fail. Cliches faint. Images fall short. Even Schadenfreude throws up its hands and orders a stiff drink.

It is as if the Great Maw of MAGA has belched forth a riot of snakes, spiders, and slavering hyenas; feces-throwing monkeys scratching at jackals wrecked on ketamine and ego; the scorpion reminding the frog of its true nature.

The Trump-Musk rupture was, of course inevitable, but this?

Crazy-junkie-Nazi-saluting-chode in a thermonuclear throw-down with the malicious-fascist- vengeful-God-King? Threats that escalated so rapidly that the Jeffrey Epstein files entered the chat almost as quickly as Trump’s threats to gut Musk’s government grift?

We knew that the breakup was fated because there is only ever room for one toxic narcissist; but the conventional wisdom (is there any other these days?) assumed it would be a performative slap fight, or a sort of grim, armed standoff, because Trump and Musk needed one another too much for it to go too far.

So the smart set ignored the evidence of their own eyes yet again, and assumed that the thin-skinned man-children — the richest and most powerful men on earth — would somehow figure out how to act with some sort of vague normality.

And then came this epic Thursday afternoon, when all of America reached for the popcorn.

With apologies to the Bard, men without Twitter accounts thought themselves accursed they were not there, and held their manhood cheap while the rest of the world spoke of nothing else.

Happy Friday.

Try to keep up, people

If you’ve read or heard something like “Musk goes nuclear on Trump” you really have no idea how bad it really was. And in the long annals of Karma, no two men have deserved it more.

But, by the time you read this, it will have gotten worse, because even as I write, Musk is dipping into his magic box to fuel his all-night X-binge. Trump’s ALL CAPS responses are also cooking; and the flying monkeys are in full flight.

Steve Bannon is already calling for Musk to be investigated and deported. “They should initiate a formal investigation of his immigration status, because I am of the strong belief that he is an illegal alien, and he should be deported from the country immediately.”

By early evening, the shitstorm had caused Truth Social to crash temporarily:

**

Let’s try to catch up a bit.

Earlier in the day, during an Oval Office meeting with the German chancellor, Trump suggested that he was “disappointed” in Elon’s opposition to his BIG BEAUTIFUL BILL… and suggested that they wouldn’t stay friends.

Musk was triggered: “Without me,” he Xeeted, “Trump would have lost the election, Dems would control the House and the Republicans would be 51-49 in the Senate.”

“Such ingratitude.”

Things escalated quickly. In the early afternoon, Trump posted:

Musk went to DefCon One, linking Trump to Epstein, who needs no introduction to the readers of this newsletter.

Throughout the afternoon, Musk pounded Trump’s involvement with Epstein, posting photos and videos of the two men.

And he kept raising the ante, warning that Trump’s tariffs would push the country into a recession.

The fight clearly rattled Tesla investors, and by COB, the stock had cratered:

Exit take: It’s always possible that the two will kiss and make up. Trump has a long history of taking enemies back into the fold. He also has a long history of scorched earth vengeance, and red lines were definitely crossed Thursday.

So we are left with obvious questions:

• How does this end?

• Will MAGA choose Trump or Musk? (Spoiler: Trump.)

• Will the Epstein files be released now? (Unlikely, but who knows?)

• Would Trump’s ties to the sex trafficker actually hurt him with the MAGA base? (Spoiler: AYFKM? No.)

• Will Trump follow through on his threats to cut Elon’s contracts? (Probably.)

• Are we five minutes away from Trump ordering the DOJ to launch a criminal investigation into Musk? (Likely.)

• How will Musk use his vast billions to (1) protect himself, (2) hit back?

• Is he serious about a third party? (Probably not.)

• Will today’s Schadenfreude ever go away? (God, I hope not.)

BONUS:

Remember Trump’s Favorite Poem?

In his first campaign, Trump frequently read “The Snake” at campaign rallies. It seems relevant today.

On her way to work one morning,

Down the path alongside the lake,

A tender-hearted woman saw a poor half-frozen snake.

His pretty-colored skin had been all frosted with the dew.

“Oh well,” she cried, “I’ll take you in and I'll take care of you.”

“Take me in oh tender woman,

“Take me in, for heaven's sake,

“Take me in oh tender woman,” sighed the snake.

She wrapped him up all cozy in a curvature of silk

And then laid him by the fireside with some honey and some milk .

Now she hurried home from work that night as soon as she arrived.

She found that pretty snake she’d taken in had been revived.

“Take me in, oh tender woman ,

“Take me in, for heaven’s sake,

“Take me in oh tender woman,” sighed the snake.

Now she clutched him to her bosom, “You’re so beautiful,” she cried.

“But if I hadn’t brought you in by now you might have died.”

Now she stroked his pretty skin and then she kissed and held him tight .

But instead of saying thanks, that snake gave her a vicious bite.

“Take me in, oh tender woman,

“Take me in, for heaven’s sake,

“Take me in oh tender woman,” sighed the snake.

“I saved you,” cried that woman.

“And you've bit me even, why?

“You know your bite is poisonous and now I’m going to die.”

“Oh shut up, silly woman,” said the reptile with a grin,

“You knew damn well I was a snake before you took me in,

”Take me in, oh tender woman.

“Take me in, for heaven’s sake,

“Take me in oh tender woman,“ sighed the snake.

Friday dogs

The boys were pretty shocked, because they are good boys.